Last Phone Call

I've been thinking...what would be different if my dad had called me when he was dying instead of my sisters. Would he still be alive?

For those of you that don't know my dad died in 2002 the day before my birthday, we hadn't really been getting along because every time we hung out he would say stuff about my mom that depressed me. The last time I saw him was a week before he died and he brought me a present and lunch to work. It didn't go the greatest for some reason...

Leah had become really good friends with dad, spending a ton of time with him, missing a lot of school to help him with grandpa's estate in Missouri, so on this last fateful trip, she didn't go. She needed to be in school. Then the last phone call he made was to her, but she was busy working on something, and she needed a break. Dad could get kinda hard to talk to when you did it as much as she was. So she didn't answer.

He also called Hannah...Hannah has never been easy to get ahold of. She leaves her phone places all the time...people find it in stores and it has to be mailed to her. So of course, she didn't answer either.

He didn't call me.

I am the one who has my phone with me 24/7, I almost always answer my phone. What would have happened if he had called me? I know I would have answered, but would I have believed he was as sick as he was and sent help? Or would I have thought he was being typical dad, (always sick with something or other), and just talked to him for a few minutes, and let him go. Would I have the guilt of letting him die, or would he have lived?

I think it was his time to go.

He didn't go to the hospital because he didn't have health insurance. I think if he was meant to live, God may have had him call me, the one child of his that would always answer the phone. (Nothing against my sisters, I just have this irrational (for the most part) need to answer when someone calls.)

If God had led him to call me, instead of them, I would have answered, but would I have believed him and sent help? Who knows. If not, then maybe it still would have been his time to go, but at least then he could have talked to one of his baby girls before he died...rather than voicemails.

The one thing I do have...he called me to ask me a question a few days before he died. He was about to hang up, and I blurted out "I love you!" He replied, "I love you too Kido." That was the last time I heard from him. At least I got to say that.

Cist

I am at the tail end of my third week of being pregnant. I have a cist on my left ovary the size of a lemon. When I got the positive result on the test I knew that I was exactly two weeks pregnant. Pretty much the day it happened, things started to change. I started becoming more moody and bitchy, and started getting sharp pains in my tummy.

Turns out the cist has been there for a while, but now that the baby is in there making me produce extra estrogen, it's growing faster, and causing pain. They have to monitor it because if it turns on itself it will block the blood flow to the ovary and they will have to operate, which could hurt the baby. It could also explode, which would hurt like hell, but shouldn't hurt the baby.

Right now I can feel it squatting in me, I can actually feel it. It doesn't feel right at all. It's an interloper in my body. I've had cists before, but I couldn't feel them...until they ruptured. This one is huge, and I want it gone.