Last Phone Call

I've been thinking...what would be different if my dad had called me when he was dying instead of my sisters. Would he still be alive?

For those of you that don't know my dad died in 2002 the day before my birthday, we hadn't really been getting along because every time we hung out he would say stuff about my mom that depressed me. The last time I saw him was a week before he died and he brought me a present and lunch to work. It didn't go the greatest for some reason...

Leah had become really good friends with dad, spending a ton of time with him, missing a lot of school to help him with grandpa's estate in Missouri, so on this last fateful trip, she didn't go. She needed to be in school. Then the last phone call he made was to her, but she was busy working on something, and she needed a break. Dad could get kinda hard to talk to when you did it as much as she was. So she didn't answer.

He also called Hannah...Hannah has never been easy to get ahold of. She leaves her phone places all the time...people find it in stores and it has to be mailed to her. So of course, she didn't answer either.

He didn't call me.

I am the one who has my phone with me 24/7, I almost always answer my phone. What would have happened if he had called me? I know I would have answered, but would I have believed he was as sick as he was and sent help? Or would I have thought he was being typical dad, (always sick with something or other), and just talked to him for a few minutes, and let him go. Would I have the guilt of letting him die, or would he have lived?

I think it was his time to go.

He didn't go to the hospital because he didn't have health insurance. I think if he was meant to live, God may have had him call me, the one child of his that would always answer the phone. (Nothing against my sisters, I just have this irrational (for the most part) need to answer when someone calls.)

If God had led him to call me, instead of them, I would have answered, but would I have believed him and sent help? Who knows. If not, then maybe it still would have been his time to go, but at least then he could have talked to one of his baby girls before he died...rather than voicemails.

The one thing I do have...he called me to ask me a question a few days before he died. He was about to hang up, and I blurted out "I love you!" He replied, "I love you too Kido." That was the last time I heard from him. At least I got to say that.

Cist

I am at the tail end of my third week of being pregnant. I have a cist on my left ovary the size of a lemon. When I got the positive result on the test I knew that I was exactly two weeks pregnant. Pretty much the day it happened, things started to change. I started becoming more moody and bitchy, and started getting sharp pains in my tummy.

Turns out the cist has been there for a while, but now that the baby is in there making me produce extra estrogen, it's growing faster, and causing pain. They have to monitor it because if it turns on itself it will block the blood flow to the ovary and they will have to operate, which could hurt the baby. It could also explode, which would hurt like hell, but shouldn't hurt the baby.

Right now I can feel it squatting in me, I can actually feel it. It doesn't feel right at all. It's an interloper in my body. I've had cists before, but I couldn't feel them...until they ruptured. This one is huge, and I want it gone.

The Peace Sign

For years I've known people who would refuse to wear the peace sign because they said it was an upside down or satanic cross in a circle with broken arms. I've always felt they were complete idiot's, no matter how much I loved the person...then I just came across this article about it...which proves to me that they really are idiots.

Where did the peace sign come from?

By Melissa Breyer
More from Care2 Green Living blog

It is instantly recognizable as a sign of peace, but what is the symbolism behind the peace sign?

The olive branch came from ancient Greece, the dove from the Bible … but where did that circle with the chicken-footprint come from?

Rewind back to 1958 when London textile designer, Gerald Holtom, wanted to create a symbol for marchers to carry on banners and signs at a "Ban the Bomb" march planned by the Direct Action Committee Against Nuclear War (DAC). The event was Britain’s first major demonstration against nuclear weapons -- a 52-mile march from London to the town of Aldermaston, home to an A-bomb research center.

Members of the DAC came to the march emblazoned with Holtom’s circle-with-lines symbol; but to bystanders, its meaning was a mystery.

Nowadays we all know what the symbol stands for, but what is the meaning behind the design? Holtom created the symbol by combining flag semaphore signals, an alphabet signalling system where flags are waved in a particular pattern to symbolize different letters. The system was used in the maritime world in the 1800s to convey information at a distance.

Holtom used the signals for the letters "N" for nuclear and "D" for disarmament and put them in a circle. The symbol is essentially a logo for the concept of nuclear disarmament! Such graphic elegance.

Later the symbol was adopted by the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament (CND). In 1960, the peace sign was imported to the United States via a peace sign button brought from the U.K. to the U.S. by Philip Altbach, a freshman at the University of Chicago.

The symbol had shown up here and there in the U.S. prior to that, but when Altbach convinced the Student Peace Union to adopt the sign as its symbol, the popularity of the peace sign grew immensely. By the late 1960s, the peace sign had become an international symbol adopted by anti-war protesters, and it doesn't seem to be losing steam any time soon.

See, for those of you who think the peace sign is a satanic cross with broken arms...you are really f'd up in your heads. :)

Cuteness. :)

Ripped off by Office Depot

K, so I needed some papers scanned and saved into a single PDF file. Thing is, they were fragile carbon copy papers, rather than regular typing paper.

I had 9 of them and she told me that because she had to take the extra half a second per page to set them "on the glass" that it cost $2.99 per page to scan it.

If they were regular typing paper and able to be sucked in by the machine, they would cost $2.99 for the first and $.25 for each additional.

So to scan 9 pieces of paper it cost me $27.00 when it should have cost me, $4.99. THAT IS THE BIGGEST BIT OF BULL SHIT that I have come across in a long time.

It took her literally 45 seconds to scan them, and it cost me $27.00 because she had to "lay them on the glass." You would think in this economy they would pull their heads out of their asses and charge a fair price. It should be the same $.25 no matter if it is sucking or on the glass.

She had a really bad attitude about it too, and my number one pregnancy symptom so far? Pure bitchiness...I was not near as bad as I could have been though. My mom called, so I had to turn it down.

I am feeling super bitchy though, I want to take it out on someone and I try not to take it out on Chris. It's not his "fault"...well it is, but it's not. LOL. I have a hard time controlling it though, it just comes out that way. This little incident with a worthless place, that I am no longer going to shop at...just made me steamy.

Can you imagine?

This is a portrait of Elizabeth the First, the Virgin Queen. Can you imagine dressing like this every day? Or even just for state occasions?

Soda-Coke Recap

Well, for months and months I didn't have any and my cravings were gone. Then I went to Olive Garden with Chris and he insisted that I have a Coke. I can now drink Coke without relapsing. I drink other soda's too, but the main thing I crave is water. :)

Yay me!