Asperger's Syndrome ~ The mystery that is me.

I've written about this before (on Myspace) but as that no longer exists except to the most savvy internet hackers I will do so again.

A few years back I was told by a psychologist that I have Asperger's, which is essentially high functioning Autism. My younger sister thinks that's bunk, but as she doesn't have to live with it, she can't really know. When I was told that I have it, and what goes along with it it was the very first thing in my entire life that made sense to me.

Here are some symptoms of Aspergers and all are something I have always had.

Social awkwardness (I regularly stick my foot in my mouth.)

Complete focus on one subject (my mind just goes over the same thing over and over again, its very annoying. I also repeat myself a lot.)

Lack of eye contact (when I was modeling in high school I had to be trained to look people in the eye...since I am no longer modeling I've reverted back to not looking most the time.)

Sensitivity to noise (I am over sensitive to certain sounds, when I was younger this was a huge problem and would lead to fits of anger.)

Sensitivity to clothing (I can't stand things touching my neck for very long. It takes a lot of willpower.)

Anger/aggression (this isn't the problem it used to be, but I do still have a strong temper.)

Craves Routine (I have to know what is going on, I don't like to fly by the seat of my pants very often.)

Appears lost in own world (Those of you who know me well know how true this is. I often drift off to somewhere else.)

Repetitive Motion (If you grew up with me you know how very true this one is. I was called Dizzy Lizzie and Dizzy Lizzie the Retard among other things, my entire childhood.)

I also have suffered from various forms of depression, anxiety, bi-polar disorder and ADHD. Since marrying Chris most of that is gone (at least it appears to be), only the Aspergers and ADHD remain. The ADHD also contributes to the repetitive thoughts going round and round in my head.

So if I offend you in some way, stick my foot in my mouth I am sorry. I do think before I speak on most occasions, but I still say what I was going to say in the first place...because it makes sense to me I guess.

My mom told me recently that she read that they are now having meetings for people with Aspergers, but not many people show up because most of us are "still in the closet". Well, I'm not ashamed, this is how God made me. You probably know more of us and are as yet unaware.

Claire Danes just won a golden globe for portraying one of us in a HBO movie, based on a true story.

There are others in my close circle that have it that I know of, however, I am the most extreme case. I will not mention who they are, just in case they would rather stay in the closet for now. :)

Hope this sheds some light on the Mystery that is Liz. :)

Dogs should be more like Cats.

Seriously, now that I'm living with my cat and Chris' dog...and we had that other naughty dog Gus staying with us for a while...I know I would like them better if they were more like the cat.

Cats take care of themselves.
Cats don't smell bad, in fact a lot of the time, mine smells like she just took a shower.
Cats don't eat nasty things.
Cats (once they are fixed) don't get random hard-ons. (In the case of boy cats, this doesn't apply to my princess.)
Cats usually don't go outside the litter box unless there is something wrong or it is full.
You can take a weekend trip and if you have to, you can leave the cat home alone.
Cats wash themselves regularly.

Dogs have to be cared for constantly.
Dogs smell rotten and have to be given regular baths.
Dogs make people's houses stink.
Dogs eat nasty things like trash, cat poop, and vomit...not to mention nasty things in the yard.
Dogs get random hard-ons. C'mon...no one wants to see that.
Dogs have to be let out, and then they leave bombs all over the yard that have to be cleaned up.
Dogs cannot be left home alone for more than a few hours, if they are...humans will regret it.
Dogs (in this case, Gus) sometimes pee all over the carpet and bath mats for no reason, and crap in the guest room.
Dogs (in this case, Gus) attack the cat for no reason, causing her to loose hair and be stressed.
Dogs don't clean themselves as well. Sonny is so fat he can't reach his own butt to clean it properly.

Oh, and dogs...especially my dog, as this was just brought again to my attention. Have nasty, smelly dog farts. :P

Don't get me wrong, I love Sonny for the most part. He is a VERY sweet dog, won't hurt anyone without reason. He loves the cat and they play together. He is also cute. BUT, he smells, he eats nasty things, he gets random hard-ons, and he can't take care of himself like Luna can. Gus, well, we all know about Gus. He was a very bad dog when he was here. Pissing and pooping on everything and growling at and attacking everyone for no reason. He is fine where he is now, and that's great, but he made me much more of a cat person when he was here.

I think all boy animals are nasty before they get fixed, my ex-cat Sniper was disgusting before he got fixed, but after that, he wasn't gross anymore, just naughty.

I told Chris that once Sonny goes to heaven, we are only getting girl animals from now on. He said, "Girl dog's get their periods." True, ALL female animals get their periods, but you get them fixed and they don't anymore, just like humans. And just like humans, male animals are nasty. :)~

Below are pictures of my princess, Luna, and Chris dog Sonny. Gus is in previous blogs, and he doesn't live here anymore...so no picture.




Sonny is also camera shy. He leaves the room whenever a camera comes out, even if its not on or pointed at him. The only one that can get him to pose is Chris. Chris is the only one who can get him to do ANYTHING.

Chris is allergic to cats, but there is no sign of it at all. When he was first around her, he got stuffed up...but not now and she regularly sleeps by him. Not to mention I will kiss her and then kiss him and it doesn't bother him. :) He says he doesn't like her, but I catch him petting her and giving her treats. :)

On a HAPPIER note! TEN WEEKS!!!

Yes, that's right. I am now ten weeks along. I'm not sure how I feel though. I still have a hard time fathoming what is going on inside my body. It still just feels like I have a really long lasting flu. Next week Friday is my next doctor appointment. I am going to make sure they show me my baby. I NEED to see my baby. I need to see that it is OK, and that I don't just have a nasty flu bug, I'm creating life. I have a tiny little person in my belly. It's up to me to make sure this little one comes out OK. Me and God that is. I can't do it without him.

So happy happy. TEN WEEKS and counting.

Sister Wives

OK. I know most people outright do not agree with a man having more than one wife. I don't really have a problem with it except for the fact that I think a woman should be able to have more than one husband if she wants as well. So there is no double standard. He gets multiple sex partners and housekeepers, she should get the same if she wants.

Would I ever be a sister wife? HELL NO. Chris is mine and mine only, and I know he feels the same way about me. We waited a long time for each other and we are not going to botch it by adding "others". I am a very jealous creature and he is too, and the fact that we love each other and want each other ONLY and selfishly is good for us. It works for us.

If other people are OK with having multiples in their family and everyone involved is OK with it, than that is their right as far as I'm concerned. I will NEVER share, but it's not up to me to judge those who want to.

I watched the show "Sister Wives" the other day. I like the women, they are nice, they know what they want, they are happy. I don't really like the guy that much. Maybe it's his horrid hair cut? I don't know....or maybe it's being raised to believe bigamy is wrong and that is still carrying over a bit. Who knows, but as long as all of them are happy...who really cares?

Week EIGHT and counting.

So far this pregnancy thing has been way overrated. I have just started my 7th week, and I'm so tired of it all already. I don't even feel like there is really anything special going on...I just feel sick all the time.

Every time Chris kisses me or whatever, I have to remember that I am not sick with something contagious, I'm creating life. He can't catch what I have.

I hardly eat, which I know is not good for the baby, but I never feel very good and it's hard to choke anything down. Then like the other day...I manage to eat pretty good and something (cat vomit) makes me sick and I puke.

I normally am one of those people that can go to sleep at night and sleep straight through to the next afternoon. Not anymore. I wake up in the night now and just lay there trying to fall back asleep to the loud snoring of Chris and Sonny. It's so frustrating. I have heartburn, and my tummy hurts.

Every little thing worries me, as I lost two babies before at or around the eight week mark. I'm so scared this baby isn't going to make it. Everything is different this time though, so I hope that is a good sign. The first two times, I didn't have any of these problems. I even have acne. Me, the only Kinmonth girl to have near perfect skin, now has pimples. I also have to shave way more often, my "body" hair is growing at an alarming rate.

Chris has the food cravings that I should have. He is eating more now that he probably has ever eaten, and starting to get a little sympathy belly because of it. I wish some of the nutrients from what he is eating would somehow get into the baby.

It also looks like he won't be here when the baby is born. Or even for the entire last trimester. The baby will be at least 7 months old by the time he meets him or her. That sucks really bad. I don't know what I'm gonna do without him. There is still a chance he will be able to get out of it, however minor. He was sposto get out in August, (he thought October) but now the bastards are extending him through the deployment.

Tomorrow is my first actual ObGyn visit and another ultrasound. I really hope we can see a heart flutter at least. This baby has to make it.

Oh, and for those of you that don't know. Gus no longer lives here. The little shit is probably the naughtiest dog I have ever had. The last straw was when Chris CAUGHT him pissing on the wall and when he went to punish him Gus tried to bite him. I'm not having my baby crawl around in dog piss and risk getting bitten. He lives with his aunt now and is a perfect little angel. Little shit. I am so tired of the stink of piss in my house. I told Chris we have to get a shampooer this weekend. He soaked one whole half of the house.

Well, that's it for now. I'm so tired, it's way to early to be up, but I couldn't sleep and a voice in my head kept telling me to get up and eat something. So I had some crackers.

Last Phone Call

I've been thinking...what would be different if my dad had called me when he was dying instead of my sisters. Would he still be alive?

For those of you that don't know my dad died in 2002 the day before my birthday, we hadn't really been getting along because every time we hung out he would say stuff about my mom that depressed me. The last time I saw him was a week before he died and he brought me a present and lunch to work. It didn't go the greatest for some reason...

Leah had become really good friends with dad, spending a ton of time with him, missing a lot of school to help him with grandpa's estate in Missouri, so on this last fateful trip, she didn't go. She needed to be in school. Then the last phone call he made was to her, but she was busy working on something, and she needed a break. Dad could get kinda hard to talk to when you did it as much as she was. So she didn't answer.

He also called Hannah...Hannah has never been easy to get ahold of. She leaves her phone places all the time...people find it in stores and it has to be mailed to her. So of course, she didn't answer either.

He didn't call me.

I am the one who has my phone with me 24/7, I almost always answer my phone. What would have happened if he had called me? I know I would have answered, but would I have believed he was as sick as he was and sent help? Or would I have thought he was being typical dad, (always sick with something or other), and just talked to him for a few minutes, and let him go. Would I have the guilt of letting him die, or would he have lived?

I think it was his time to go.

He didn't go to the hospital because he didn't have health insurance. I think if he was meant to live, God may have had him call me, the one child of his that would always answer the phone. (Nothing against my sisters, I just have this irrational (for the most part) need to answer when someone calls.)

If God had led him to call me, instead of them, I would have answered, but would I have believed him and sent help? Who knows. If not, then maybe it still would have been his time to go, but at least then he could have talked to one of his baby girls before he died...rather than voicemails.

The one thing I do have...he called me to ask me a question a few days before he died. He was about to hang up, and I blurted out "I love you!" He replied, "I love you too Kido." That was the last time I heard from him. At least I got to say that.