Bare with me...this will be a long blog, talking mostly about stress, but it will end well.
Lately on Facebook I've been posting lots of negative status updates about my "redheaded step child" or my dog...well not MY dog, but my husband Chris' dog that I am currently stuck with while he is in Guam.
He is a very very sweet dog, but a very very dumb dog. We have many disagreements and I get very angry. I have never been one of those people that is "slow to anger", that is my husband, not me. Me...I hate it, but I am very fast to anger. I have a very bad temper. I stress very very easily, and I dwell on things and lose sleep over them. It is one of the things I hate the most about myself, that I pray to change, but that seems to always come back to bite me in the butt, no matter the good day I may of had. In the past if I lost my temper...I could have lost my life...or had the crap kicked out of me...so now that that fear isn't there...my temper flies free.
The dog only listens to his favorite person, Chris, and maybe Chris' dad. Chris because he loves him, Chris' dad, probably out of fear. Those Dillard men are a fierce lot. :) So, since he won't listen to me...it is very hard to be stuck here with him.
It's not just the dog I stress about, but when I am angry with him, it opens my mind to all the other things that stress me out...and I dwell and dwell and dwell, and get angry.
My family stresses me out, this includes inlaws. I feel that they will never understand me. They see the me I was when I was growing up, they also see my bursts of anger and chose to remember those rather than the good things I've done. One member of my family told me that at first they were not happy that I was pregnant because Chris was going to be deployed. Meaning to me, and others I've asked that they didn't think I could handle having a baby on my own. That alone proves how little this "close" family member knows me. Do you have any idea what I've been through since I was 16 years old? Having a baby on my own with a supportive, loving husband on deployment is a cake walk compared to some of the stuff I've been through. I was born to be a military wife, and all the garbage I've been through just made me strong enough to handle it and everything that goes with it.
I also hate when I'm given advice by these people. Advice that I did not ask for. I don't presume to know everything about your lives and what you have been through, but from what I do know, in this particular case, I know all I need to know. I can handle anything. I don't need your advice, it fits your life, but my life is nothing like yours. I am also the one that has had to pick up the pieces when your "advice" hurts someone.
My husband stresses me out. I love him more than anything on earth, but like all couples we still have a lot of growing and learning to do. I'm just glad I have such an amazing man to grow and learn with.
Other non-related people stress me out. I get paranoid very easily. Another thing about me that drives me nuts.
The government stresses me out. Certain members of my family think they know everything there is to know about the government because they listen to NPR or whatever. They will never accept what I say about the government because I don't listen to NPR and I get angry about it. I am a military wife. I don't have to listen to NPR to know about the government and hate them. I live with what they are doing to my little family and my friends every day....but no matter how much I say this to my family, I still know nothing. I have been asked not to post negative stuff about Obama online by people who hardly even get online, and listen to NPR and of course know everything.
Another member of my family recently went through a big life change...and forgot their priorities. All the promises made about stuff have flown out the window with this recent change. I am forced to chase for just a brief word, and when told I will be given time, am very quickly brushed aside for someone else. I am no longer chasing. I hope to be remembered at some point. I am after all pregnant and alone down here. :)~
I also tell people my express wishes for how I want things to go for MY life, and they blissfully push them aside because their desires are more important than mine. I offer ways of showing my baby to those who want to see her, and am ignored or told those ways just are not good enough. Well, I'm sorry. I am not going to spend extra time and money burning CD's and DVD's with every baby milestone just because you don't want to take the easy way. If you miss out, you miss out. It's that simple.
Well, you can see I'm nearly always stressed out. My mind constantly goes with all this crap. Crap that it really does not help to dwell on because my family will see me the way they want to, my dog will never change, my family will always have their love for Obama and think that I know nothing even though I live under the thumb of the government and they do not. I will always be pushed aside by someone's ass that has "gotten out of hand" and be somehow blamed for it. "Stop Lizzie, just stop." Stop what exactly? I was just standing here.
Some see me for the strong woman I am, and I am thankful to those, some never will....and I need to get over that fact. I pray every night that my mind will stop racing with this stuff, that my temper will slow down to a slow burn rather than what it is. I very much hope that this little baby inside me has a slow burn temper like her daddy's and is not a short fuse like I am.
So I am stressed out and as I warned at the beginning this is a very long blog...but I am going to end it well...at least for me.
No matter how much I am stressed about something I have more things to be thankful for than stressed out for.
After many years of crap I have an amazing husband. He loves me and he makes it clear he loves me. He would do anything for me, and he is my very best friend. He may stress me out at times, but the good far out ways the bad. He is wonderful, loving, not to mention very very very sexy. :)
My family stresses me out, but when you get right down to it, my family is awesome compared to other peoples. I am very blessed to come from those I do. They may chose to never understand me, but they are all great people from a great gene pool.
My inlaws stress me out, but they are also great. Who else can call their father-in-law or mother-in-law at two in the morning just because and they will actually answer and not be mad?
My government stresses me out, but for the time being at least...I have a roof over my head because of the job my husband does for them, and if in the off chance my husband is one of the Seabees that is booted out by the Obama administration, I know my husband will never let me be without that roof...even though the government doesn't care.
I have a beautiful little girl growing inside me right now. She is due in a matter of weeks. My life is about to change forever. Am I ready? I don't know, but I know I can handle it, even with Chris gone.
My dog and even my cat stress me out...but they keep me company, I am thankful for that.
I am thankful for a great many things, things that the Lord saw fit to bless me with. Me, this very undeserving person has been blessed multiple times by a Gracious God that for some reason decided to love me. So, even though you may see mostly negative things from me on Facebook or what have you...I am not really a negative, thankless person. I am very thankful and very grateful for everything...even when it stresses me out.
I try to be positive and not post negative things, but my very short fuse most often gets the best of me...and I'm sorry for burning you all with it. I will try harder to show my lighter more positive side.
Sorry for the length of this blog...but I've always been a talker and when I'm stressed I need to talk more.
Here's to a more thankful and positive way of living! Cheers.
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